


Behind the Mask is a Girl

by ViridianStarVeil (ViridianVeil)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Girl-Who-Lived (Harry Potter), Good Dark Side, Good Tom Riddle, Hermione Granger Bashing, Other, Ron Weasley Bashing, Trans Harry Potter, this is just a fic i came up with on the spot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22106638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViridianVeil/pseuds/ViridianStarVeil
Summary: Harry's 5th year is soon coming to an end. In his previous year during the last task at the Triwizard Tournament, he encountered Tom Riddle aka Voldemort.He thought that this man would try to kill him right there, but instead he just started to talk to him and explain what his side was really fighting for and what Dumbledore and his precious 'Light Side' had been hiding from the Boy-Who-Lived.Now Harry has to sort out who to trust and what to do.But most importantly, as much as he hates that it takes priority, figure out who his true friends are.Also, was he truly happy in Gryffindor?Would he had been better off in Slytherin like the Sorting Hat had suggested all those years ago?And why did he feel so unsure and disgusted with his body and why does it always feel wrong?
Comments: 5
Kudos: 178





	Behind the Mask is a Girl

“Harry? HARRY!” The black haired boy winced at the yelling before turning his attention back to Hermione, holding a book that was easily as thick as her head.

He could see that she was agitated and Ron didn’t look any better himself. He nervously looked off to the side, embarrassed that they had once again drawn attention to themselves. Everyone in the common room had looked over to the trio when the brown haired girl spoke up. Harry just wanted to disappear and not be noticed and live a normal life. He doesn’t know fully what that would entail, but maybe having parents who care for you and being around people you genuinely like instead of feeling trapped with those you didn’t feel safe with. 

The young boy knew that it was sad that he didn’t know what that is like, but that was all he knew in life. 

To constantly be afraid and holding up an iron mask to prevent yourself from being hurt more than you already have bee. 

This was the Gryffindors reality. 

He had to be the ‘famous’ Harry Potter, sitting in the common room in Gryffindor and listening as his two ‘friends’ were now yelling at him for not paying attention better and overall not studying ‘hard enough’. 

But he knows the very moment Harry gets better than Hermione or even tries to do what she is saying that the girl would be mad at him and yell some more. Exactly what he wants and needs truly, he thought bitterly. Though he was used to dumbing himself down. Afterall, can’t have a ‘freak’ be smarter than Dudders. 

And his other ‘friend’ Ron wasn’t any better. Despite being about as smart as a log of wood in anything other than chess, he too puts himself above Harry, thinking that since he grew up in the wizarding world in a practical sense opposing Hermione’s literal side that he has the upper hand. He would always bring up things to Harry and see if he knew anything about something he would randomly bring up. Harry quickly learned to play naive.

But what they both don’t know is that Harry had been sneaking out into the library ever since he had received his invisibility cloak in his first year. For him, books and libraries in general always gave him a sense of ease that he could never properly explain. He has learned a lot, but there has been one thing that he hasn’t been able to figure out. 

“Mate you got to stop looking at those girls, they might get the wrong idea.”, the redhead of the group told Harry. 

Yeah, that. 

Harry had for some time tried to figure this out, but could never find anything in the library. Sure, he would find books about something that might have helped him perhaps. But either a lot of much needed added info wasn’t to be found or the book itself would suddenly disappear the next day when he would try to find it. 

He doesn’t know what it was, but he knew one thing for certain. He wasn’t interested in girls in that way, but instead felt jealousy. Jealous of their clothes, yet didn’t know why and it was driving him crazy. Why did he feel that way? Why did he dream of wearing dresses and skirts? Why did he hate it when others could constantly compare him to his late father? Why did he hate wearing the boys uniform? Why did he feel so scared and confused? 

Harry could feel himself getting upset and panicked, but not wanting to annoy his ‘friends’ and further upsetting himself, he decides to lie and starts to get up from where they were seated in the common room. He honestly didn’t want to think further of this and lay down, hoping that these thoughts would finally go away. But he knew like every night, they would return one way or the other. 

“I think I’ll hit the bed early. Good night.”, he said quickly before turning to go to his dorm room, wanting to avoid arguing with the two still on the floor. 

Once in his room, he quickly grabbed his pajamas and toiletry before heading towards the bathroom. After changing, avoiding the mirror like he always did, and getting his toothbrush ready with toothpaste, he sets to work and cleans his teeth whilst his mind started to slip into thinking about what he thought was more important. 

It was getting close to the end of his 5th year, he wasn’t dumb he knew that next year was gonna be harder for him. The black haired boy knows the rhythm of things by now. 

But something doesn’t make sense to him. That ‘Dark Side’ and even ‘Voldemort’ didn’t seem to be like what Dumbledore and others on the ‘Light Side’ would tell him about. If anything, their views made sense. 

Harry started to recall his meeting of Voldemort in the graveyard. The black haired boy had accidentally touched the Triwizard Cup, having wanted him and Cedric to hold it together, but had been suddenly teleported. He then came face to face with a man. He looked like a normal and handsome young man, maybe in his late 20’s, and looked to be rather calm, which made Harry wary of him. At first, he didn't even know that it was Voldemort until he introduced himself. 

Once he was able to be calmed by the man that told Harry to call him Tom, Harry started shooting question after question at him. However not everything could be answered since Tom could only talk to him before everyone becomes suspicious of him missing. He had quickly explained that he had planned for Harry’s entry in the Tournament, but made sure he was given all of the help he would need to touch the cup and was informed that Mad Eye Moody, who later turned out to be Barty Crouch Jr. had helped him in small ways. Before he could get further with getting his questions answered, Harry felt a sudden pull. 

And before he knew it, he was back in the maze, just as Cedric had reached the end. 

The than 4th year was quick to think on his feet and tell the boy from Hufflepuff that he had just arrived there himself, having thankfully already let go of the Cup. He offers for Cedric to take the Cup, and after some back and forth and Harry being stubborn and even almost begging the older boy to just accept it, Cedric is declared the winner of the Tournament. 

Thankfully, all attention went to the honey brown haired boy and away from him for once, which he enjoyed while it lasted. 

During Harry’s summer before his 5th year he was able to think about what Tom had informed him;

The ‘Dark Side’ actually only wished to bring back old traditions of their culture, bring muggleborn children into said culture and help them feel welcome and make sure that all magical children that are being abused get saved and adopted properly. 

The ‘Light Side’ wanted to prevent this and thus were able to quickly make up lies of their true intentions and twisted it that even dark cored wizards would also be hunted down if they didn’t swear their loyalty to the ‘Dark Side’. 

Tom’s persona of ‘Voldemort’ was false and created by the headmaster Dumbledore and that he had never wanted to kill anyone after finding out what creating a horcrux entails, but was forced to by said headmaster that he had once trusted most even long ago. 

Tom had never made any marks for his followers and only asked that they swore to be by his side or to stay neutral if someone wished to stay out of it. 

And that Harry’s parents were actually starting to side with Tom once they were fully informed of his true intentions. 

Harry for the rest of the summer in between doing his homework secretly and doing chores and trying to avoid being hit once more tried to fill the gaps. Were his parents killed by someone on the ‘Light Side’? From how Tom sounded, it might have been Dumbledore. But to what end? Also why was the ‘Light Side’ so against these ideals and refusing to help muggleborns? Why not teach them about wizarding culture and make them feel welcome? Why not save young magical children from abuse? Nothing about their logic made sense to Harry. 

He badly wanted to ask questions at Dumbledore or anyone else on the ‘Light Side’, but knew better than to talk out of term. 

The raven haired boy had even noticed during their 5th year that his ‘friends’ were listening to him less and at times even telling him to just straight up ‘shut it’ and to ‘not bother them’, but at the same time they would harass him on where he was and who he was with. Overall, they were rather paranoid. That, on top of Umbridge, made for an overall unpleasant year. Harry still felt his hand twitch where he was given the scar by that bitch and truly hoped that she had died in the woods instead of being found before the centaurs could do everyone a favor. 

But a sort of positive light came just recently when he and his ‘friends’ and some people who he saw more like friends came with him to the Ministry to help ‘Save Sirius from Voldemort’.

Harry had dreamt the night prior and was contacted by To- his thoughts were cut off when Seamus put his hand on his shoulder, causing the raven haired boy to jump slightly. 

“Jeez Harry, if you brush further you might end up like my granny and have no teeth left.”, the boy laughed in good humor. Harry chuckled lightly before stopping the brushing and starting to put away his toiletry and folding his uniform. He didn’t talk often with the other boy, but knew that he was alright and meant well. 

The boy had than accidentally looked into the mirror and caught a glimpse at his hair. It was starting to get long again. This was something that would always make him happy and he doesn’t know why, but whenever his hair would start to grow long again it would make him happy. He felt comfortable with it and even think about growing it out more before being reminded that his aunt once arriving back on Privet Drive will likely try to buzzcut it all once more. Could he let his hair grow out fully? Yes. Did he want to be tormented by his aunt and potentially his ‘friends’? No. 

Just as he thought of that, he felt someone's arm wrap around his shoulders. 

“Mate you really need to get your haircut. Can’t have others think your a girl.”, laughed the redhead at his ‘friend’.

A girl. 

A girl. 

A girl. 

Harry doesn’t know what happened next, but he felt his body going into auto pilot and started to move away from Ron and grabbed his things before heading to his shared room, putting everything away in his trunk and going to his bed and closing the curtains quickly. 

He could hear his roommates talking to one another in the bathroom, but it all sounded muffled.

That statement wouldn’t leave his head. 

Is that… is that why he had always felt out of place?

Harry proceeded to lay on his bed and cover his face in his pillow and sighs. 

Was he a girl? 

No, it couldn’t be. 

But at the same time it felt right. 

But he had never heard of guys actually wanting to be girls.

But it felt right. 

But he betted that there weren’t any books about someone who is born male wanting to be female. 

But it felt so right. 

But he was sure if he showed any signs of wanting to be a girl or even telling anyone about that that everyone would just beat him up and leave him. 

But it felt right.

But he knew that he should just not think of it anymore and hide his true feelings away for the sake of his well being. 

But it felt right. 

It felt right. 

It felt right. 

It felt right. 

Before he knew it, the kid started to cry and feel so relieved but also so scared at the same time.

Those words ring in the raven haired kids head as he silently cries and starts to pass out due to exhaustion.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is another Harry Potter fanfic that I wanted to post on here! Hope you all have a wonderful day!


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